Supporting a Loved One with Relationship OCD
Dr. William Beecroft, M.D.
| 3 min read
Dr. William Beecroft, MD, DLFAPA, is the Medical Dir...
Key Takeaways
- Relationship OCD is a subtype of obsessive‑compulsive disorder that fuels persistent doubts and intrusive thoughts about a partner’s love, suitability or past actions, often leading to reassurance‑seeking or withdrawal behaviors.
- The top treatment is exposure and response prevention therapy, which helps people learn to sit with distressing thoughts without acting on compulsions.
- Partners can support a loved one by learning about OCD, setting healthy boundaries, avoiding excessive reassurance and seeking their own professional help when the strain becomes overwhelming.
Approximately 3% of people around the world experience obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), a serious mental health condition that can interfere with daily life.
This condition involves intrusive thoughts related to fears and doubts about an individual’s safety, health or relationships, among other areas. Relationship OCD (ROCD), while not a separate diagnosis, involves thoughts, doubts and fears related to connections with others.
What is OCD?
OCD is characterized by uncontrollable and recurring intrusive thoughts that cause emotional distress followed by a repeated compulsive behavior or thought. This compulsion temporarily relieves the distress but worsens the OCD symptoms long-term. This mental health disorder can be debilitating for many.
A person may not realize their thoughts are out of the ordinary or unhealthy. While contamination OCD is the most well-known subtype, people can experience OCD in many ways.
Signs and symptoms of ROCD
Common signs and symptoms of ROCD include:
- Questioning whether the loved one cares about them
- Questioning whether a romantic partner is right for them
- Fearing they have done something wrong without knowing
- Replaying normal or uncomfortable moments to see if they have done something wrong
- Comparing the relationship to other or past relationships
These intrusive thoughts feel real even if they have no basis in fact, and people with OCD may fear the consequences of these thoughts being true or coming true. Compulsions in ROCD can include repeatedly seeking reassurance from loved ones or pushing a loved one away.
A person in a close relationship with someone who has ROCD may:
- Constantly reassure their loved one they care or are not leaving
- Consider ending the relationship because of the loved one’s increased anxiety
- Take the loved one’s intrusive thoughts personally
- Feel unheard, unvalued or disconnected
- Exhausted with the relationship
It’s important for the person without OCD to remember this is a mental health condition, not the individual’s actual feeling. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is difficult for everyone involved. To help, a partner or loved one can educate themselves about OCD. They can learn not to take intrusive thoughts seriously and not enable the OCD through reassurance or offering solutions. It is important to set boundaries and take care of oneself and seek support from others or a mental health professional. In extreme cases, the individual without OCD may need to create distance or end the relationship.
Treatment methods for OCD
A diagnosis of OCD is the first step to recovery. Understanding these thoughts are not an individual’s actual beliefs is key to moving forward.
While there is no cure, the primary treatment for OCD is exposure and response prevention (ERP), which is considered a specialized form of psychotherapy. This treatment involves learning to sit with intrusive thoughts and distressing emotions and avoid compulsions. In time, intrusive thoughts become less powerful.
Other treatments include acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), which involves accepting all thoughts and emotions rather than trying to change them, and medications such as antidepressants, which can complement ERP in some cases and make it more effective.
It can be common to hear a person say “I’m so OCD” as a way to say they want order, but OCD is not simply a desire for neatness. Dismissing a person’s distress or making fun of a person’s compulsions can make the condition worse. Likewise, treating OCD as anxiety can worsen symptoms. With patience, education and treatment from mental health professionals and loved ones, OCD symptoms can improve.
Anyone who has symptoms of OCD that interfere with their daily life should talk to their primary care provider.
Dr. William Beecroft, MD, DLFAPA, is the Medical Director Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Michigan. For more health tips and information, visit MIBlueDaily.com.
Image: Getty Images
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